For most of my life I’ve kept myself small. When fear came up I’d do all I could to stop myself feeling it as it was so uncomfortable. I’d create stories I’d tell myself about the type of person I was and what I could achieve, I’d avoid certain situations and opportunities so that I didn’t have to go through the experience of extreme discomfort and even terror. I kept myself small and limited.
Of course there were times I stepped out of my comfort zone. One being the decision to train to teach. Yes I loved my subject and I felt drawn to learning how to teach it and through a number of synchronistic events, much to my amazement, I found myself on a prestigious teaching programme. The joy of that achievement was swiftly replaced with extreme fear from the actual act of getting in the classroom and the daunting experience of pretending I knew what I was doing in front of a bunch of 16 ad 17 year olds. So many times I cried on the way to the college I had my work placement in. I lived in a constant state of fear. So many times I was going to give up – such was the challenge of standing up, teaching content I hadn’t come across before and managing a lively class of teenagers, most of whom were not interested in the subject. I was mentally and physically exhausted. But I pushed through and achieved my dream.
I felt I had really achieved something. For me. I felt empowered.
Everything I wanted was on the other side of fear.
The thing is, when you sit with the fear, when you come to realise that it’s keeping you small, you may find it’s stopping you from speaking your truth, from aligning with your heart’s desires, from taking up opportunities offered to you that could make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. Sometimes the only thing to do is to do things differently. Make that decision. Take the plunge and go through the fear. You may be very glad that you did.
‘In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make’ - Lewis Carroll.
If not now, when?
Of course it doesn’t mean I’ve conquered fear. It’s a natural human emotional response designed to protect us. We tend to think of it in negative terms but fear can also make you feel alive, exhilarated – think scary rides!
One thing I do know is that if you can break through in the times you realise you are holding yourself back or keeping yourself small, you will feel stronger, more capable and empowered.
Don't let fear stop you from being the person you always wanted to be.
Don't let fear stop you from living the life you have always wanted to live.
Don't let fear stop you from living your heart's desires.
Try it, feel the fear - and do it anyway - see where it takes you next.
Shirley x
