Everything you want is on the other side of fear

For most of my life I’ve kept myself small.  When fear came up I’d do all I could to stop myself feeling it as it was so uncomfortable.  I’d create stories I’d tell myself about the type of person I was and what I could achieve, I’d avoid certain situations and opportunities so that I didn’t have to go through the experience of extreme discomfort and even terror. I kept myself small and limited.

Of course there were times I stepped out of my comfort zone.  One being the decision to train to teach.  Yes I loved my subject and I felt drawn to learning how to teach it and through a number of synchronistic events, much to my amazement, I found myself on a prestigious teaching programme. The joy of that achievement was swiftly replaced with extreme fear from the actual act of getting in the classroom and the daunting experience of pretending I knew what I was doing in front of a bunch of 16 ad 17 year olds.  So many times I cried on the way to the college I had my work placement in.   I lived in a constant state of fear.  So many times I was going to give up – such was the challenge of standing up, teaching content I hadn’t come across before and managing a lively class of teenagers, most of whom were not interested in the subject.  I was mentally and physically exhausted.  But I pushed through and achieved my dream.

I felt I had really achieved something.  For me.  I felt empowered.

Everything I wanted was on the other side of fear.

The thing is, when you sit with the fear, when you come to realise that it’s keeping you small, you may find it’s stopping you from speaking your truth, from aligning with your heart’s desires, from taking up opportunities offered to you that could make a difference in your life and in the lives of others.    Sometimes the only thing to do is to do things differently.  Make that decision.  Take the plunge and go through the fear.     You may be very glad that you did.

‘In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make’  - Lewis Carroll.

If not now,  when?

Of course it doesn’t mean I’ve conquered fear.  It’s a natural human emotional response designed to protect us.   We tend to think of it in negative terms but fear can also make you feel alive, exhilarated – think scary rides!

One thing I do know is that if you can break through in the times you realise you are holding yourself back or keeping yourself small,  you will feel stronger, more capable and empowered.

Don't let fear stop you from being the person you always wanted to be.

Don't let fear stop you from living the life you have always wanted to live.

Don't let fear stop you from living your heart's desires.

Try it, feel the fear - and do it anyway - see where it takes you next.

Shirley x

The path to being seen and heard can be a long and winding road.

‘Children should be seen and not heard’….. As a child of the 1950s and 60s this view, although even then considered out dated, was still prevalent.  I certainly felt that in schools which, for me, were a fearful place to be in.   I certainly did not want to speak out and did my best to be as invisible as possible.  In that way I could protect myself and avoid trouble.

I would be the last to put up my hand in class to answer a question for fear of getting it wrong – teachers were quite aggressive and sarcastic in those days – adept at humiliation. Powerful strategies for silencing children.

There was a constant pressure to ‘be good’.  Monday to Friday in school and on Sunday there was Sunday school.  A huge amount of conditioning goes into a Christian upbringing – parental expectations were high and moral education handed over to religion. You definitely weren’t expected to express opinions, that would be frowned upon. There were many authority figures to challenge you.

The continual reinforcement of outdated attitudes and beliefs, going back generations.
Being quiet and good was expected for a girl. ‘Sugar and spice and all things nice’ – yes well, a lot to live up to. Not a lot was expected of girls in the 50s and early 60s.

The attitudes of not speaking up and being invisible do impact me still today.  I have spent the last couple of decades actively dealing with the fall out of these defensive practices and trying to push myself forward to speak up and be visible.   I have made significant inroads through countless personal and spiritual development courses and energetic healing practices but the programming is deep and sometimes persists.

The resistance that shows up from past conditioning is challenging but not impossible to overcome.
The fact that in my 40s I trained as a teacher and spent around 15 years teaching is testimony to that.
Although for most of those 15 years I felt a fraud.  I felt an imposter, I didn’t know enough, on paper my degree and teacher training showed me I was well qualified but I didn’t feel it and used every negative experience in the classroom to reinforce that attitude. It was only during my final year of teaching that I stopped comparing myself with everyone else and made peace with the fact that I had something useful to contribute to my students’ experience and that was good enough.

When I look at why I’ve continued to subdue my voice, and fear stepping forward and being known, there are several strands of thinking in the mix.

I’m afraid of getting it wrong.

As a child I did experience feeling silly, embarrassed, humiliated when at times I did get things wrong, particularly at school. Miscommunication or a child’s lack of understanding about a task – not tolerated so well years ago.  Thankfully (hopefully) today the education system is a little more tolerant. The same feelings will still show up as an adult – not all the time – but the fear hovers in the background.

If I get it wrong, the adult me knows it’s not the end of the world – but the inner child part of me fears feeling an idiot, fears rejection, fears she won’t be liked.  For her it is the end of the world and will she be brave enough to take the risk and speak up?   Speaking up means she’ll be noticed. She’ll become visible.

If I get something wrong, I’ll lose credibility and respect.  That was a big one for me as a teacher and it took a good few years for me to relax in the classroom enough to know that ‘not knowing’ was a great opportunity for whole class research to find the answer.  I taught psychology – how ABSURD to expect myself to know EVERYTHING about psychology?!

Letting the world know what I think means I’ll be judged and potentially criticised.  I might annoy or anger someone who may not be afraid of speaking out so it feels like an unsafe space to put myself in, so best stay quiet.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, even me.  We all see the world through our own perceptions and experiences – why would be all think the same?

Learning to trust myself to be able to deal with the fallout and to feel confident to stand my ground if necessary – is an ongoing lesson.

As a child I learned to wait for others to speak first so I could judge what a right opinion or attitude might be.  I may not have been in alignment with their opinion but I could choose to agree so I didn’t stand out or I could simply say nothing.

My assumption was that others knew better.   Something I fall back into all too easily.
Perhaps it is not surprising I learned to be a listener instead of a speaker.

I am getting there, however, I am gradually releasing those invisible chains and am determined to open up to a bolder voice.   This comes from a deep place of knowing.   An authentic space of openness and vulnerability, of love and connection to express what is in my heart and to truly serve the best way I can.  For this to happen, I need to be visible.  People need to know where to find me – I cannot stay hidden in the shadows without a voice.

‘Children should be seen and not heard’…..it seems I neither wanted to be seen nor heard!  But we are not victims of our childhood, we can use our memories to inspire us to move forward. The journey home has been a long, winding road but, finally, I now have the key to the door.

Shirley x

Just be yourself

I love this quote and wanted to share this with you today.    I wish I’d seen inspiring words like this when I was a bit younger.  I spent many years wondering why I felt different from everyone else – it didn’t feel as though I could fit in anywhere.  I stifled who I knew in my heart I was in an effort to fit in with others’ expectations of me.   In essence, I became a smaller version of who I could be.

It’s taken a long time but I now know and appreciate the fact I’m not mainstream – I make no apologies for that.  I have all kinds of perhaps unusual (to some) interests and I follow these with curiosity and passion.  Yes, I love to hug trees - the vibrant energy emanating from trees is something to be experienced,  it's very grounding and I love it.  I love to make sense of my world, and receive guidance,  by meditating and journaling.   I love to both give and receive energy healing and I'm fascinated with all things metaphysical and other worldly.   I love to holiday alone on remote Scottish islands where I spend all my time walking, beach combing  and connecting with nature.

I’ve finally given myself permission to live in a way that is authentic to what I know in my heart to be true and what feels right for me.

As I age, an inescapable fact for those of us fortunate enough to do so, who I believe myself to be changes as I naturally grow and evolve – as we all do.  I overheard a conversation on the radio as I was driving yesterday, which prompted this blog, where an older lady was saying how she had things in her wardrobe she didn’t feel she ‘should’ wear for fear of being labelled as ‘mutton dressed as lamb’.   This was a real dilemma for her.

Mutton dressed as lamb is a really old phrase dating back to the 19^th century – but surprisingly still prevalent in our cultural thinking, and certainly alive in the media – showing the longevity and impact phrases can have in the way we choose to live our lives.    In this case those invisible rules around how an older woman should look or the way she ‘should’ conduct herself.

Naturally that got me thinking about how I show up in life and how much unconscious conditioning I may be responding to in my choices about what I wear, where I shop and even how I look.  Indeed, who is driving my bus?!  What invisible rules am I responding to in the choices I make about what to wear, how to style my hair and how to act as a 61 year old.

I'm fully aware that the thinking around what you should or shouldn't wear can happen at a much younger age too - particularly as we take on roles in life such as mother or even a young grandmother.  This can influence our perception around who we think we are - or worse still, we lose sight of the real 'us' as we become more identified with the roles we play.

The question is,  am I making heart centered choices that are authentically mine or am I being influenced by societal expectations?   Food for thought. I was a bit of a rebel in my younger days and now I find I am returning to that mindset.

Give yourself permission to listen to your heart, to just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical, person that you are.

This applies to all of us – we are all affected by the modern day memes floating about on social media.  All that noise is more than capable of drowning out the whispers from our heart.
So are you proud of who you are?  Are you being yourself?  Who’s voice are you listening to when you make decisions about your life?

Remember, it's time to be proud of who you are and give yourself permission to be wholeheartedly you.

Shirley x

Encouraging gift ideas for busy Mums

It's another snow day here in Essex!  I have been enjoying the quiet time at home (there have of course been a few arguments but overall it's been good!).  It is near on impossible to work with the children around but for some reason, I feel like I've gotten quite a bit down on paper, at least!  The trick I find is to grab 2 minute moments where I can.  So while they are playing or after I've spent some time with them, I cease the moment and get writing or planning!  It feels like I'm not moving anywhere fast but actually, when you can focus a little, all those minutes add up.


I thought I'd jump on this afternoon and show you some alternative Mother's Day gift ideas that are in our shop now!  There's only a few days to order as we need time to prepare and post them out to you.  As a rule we don't make items especially for occasions but I think these boxes are just perfect for busy Mums.

We have 2 types in the shop currently; Self care and encouragement and Bloom from within.  The self care box is aimed at reminding the recipient of how important they are.




It's very easy (whether you are a busy Mum or not) to put ourselves and our own needs at the bottom of the pile.  I do it myself, all the time.  The more we remind ourselves of our importance in our families, the more we realise that everything often functions around us!  When our needs aren't being met, it's so much harder to deal with juggling everything else in our lives.  We hope that our box filled with uplifting stationery and artwork will inspire a few Mums out there to look at where they can start to put their needs first.

Our second and most recent design is Bloom from within.



This box differs slightly in that the contents are aimed at boosting self esteem and confidence.  Again these messages can benefit us all.  But as Mums we get so caught up in the demands of our families that it's very easy to all of a sudden wonder who we are, where She went and how to possibly get back to the place we were at before children?!  Perhaps confidence was never high, but again, the best place to start is here.  Knowing that you want to make a change and being inspired enough to start.

Maybe you have a stationery loving Mum?  I know I do!  I don't think you can ever have enough notebooks when you love to get organised and make lists.  (My problem is more remember to look at all the lists I make!)  We've 2 brand new notebook designs in the shop, both printed from our original artwork as always:



And back in stock are our popular motivational quote pencils!  The rainbow of colour is so welcome at the moment and they really are the most happy treat, containing the perfect encouraging words.  We like to think they are something a bit different too and we've sold many of these as gifts! We also sell a sea-themed set and if you've followed us for a while you'll know how much we love the sea.   

Finally, (because otherwise this could go on forever with possibilities) we've bundled together some of our quote postcards which could be perfect for a feature wall or to use as stationery.  We've seen these framed by customers, popped up on a wall with washi tape or sent to cheer someone up.  Most recently a customer was going to send to her best friend in hospital to keep her spirits up!  How lovely!  My favourite set are these and you'll find them in the shop now:

 

So there you go guys, a few of our new and spring-like designs to hopefully inspire and encourage you in your day!  I love an alternative gift too - something that someone isn't expecting with words that might just help them in some way.

Lots of love,

It's never too late to follow your dream

You’re never too old to start following your dream………

You’ve heard this many times I bet.
Do you believe it?
Really?
I do.

Don’t let anyone tell you it’s too late to change direction or that dreaming is just for kids. That’s simply not true.

My 30s were challenging. I didn’t have the head space to even think about dreaming of anything.  Except wishing we were a ‘normal’ family.  My 30s were full of raising my 2 beautiful children, one of whom was autistic and epileptic.  I learned so much about me and them although there was not a lot of time for dreaming but simply getting through each day to the best of my ability.  I started to become interested in creativity and journaling and that, I found, a helpful form of expression to manage the extent of the challenges our family as a whole were experiencing.

A catalytic event, the unexpected death of my autistic son not long after my 40^th birthday propelled my life on a quite unexpected path but which has ultimately had a positively transformative effect. I started to walk the personal and spiritual development path.   I studied psychology, I trained as a teacher, I learned how to meditate, to develop my intuition, I trained as an energy healer, I pursued my creative interests and began to dream of a time I might be able to serve others as a healing practitioner, as an artist, sharing my understanding and helping those starting on a similar path.   I didn’t see a clear picture of how this could manifest but I knew the future was calling to me.  I started to wake up.  I could see the world differently from how I had seen it before.    In my 40s I started to dream rather than just surviving on a day to day basis.   The old cliché ‘Life begins at 40’ appeared to be on to something.  I was still experiencing grief from losing my son but because I felt spiritually closer to him than ever before, with the continued exploration and development work I chose to do, I could continue to dream and could see a positive future helping others, not just myself.

In my 50s, initially my teaching career flourished and then I gradually became disillusioned with the red tape attached to the job, and I began to lose the sense of joy and fulfilment I had with this work.  Another catalytic event, the simultaneous deaths (unconnected reasons) of both of my parents propelled me further along the personal and spiritual development path,  at some speed.   I also separated from my husband after 30+ years together and set about following another dream – leaving my full time, well paid, teaching work (which I had allowed to take over my life – I now know to bury the grief) and creating a working life where I could see the value of multiple streams of income, allowing me to serve others using my interests and passions and thus live a more peaceful and meaningful life.

So I undertook further training in different healing modalities, made lots of new connections and set up my energy healing practice.  Many workshops and courses in self awareness and self development and using energy for healing changed how I saw myself and enhanced my whole outlook on life.  I began to realise I wanted others to feel and see that too as it was so life enhancing.  I still had work as a part time psychology lecturer and of course Gemma and I created The Seashack over 4 years ago now.  So you can see  I developed three separate but actually quite interconnected strands of income.  I loved to teach, I loved to paint and create and I loved to help people learn to open up through energy healing and to shed lots of the baggage they were carrying so they could remove any barrier to their own dreams.

In my 50s I continued to follow my dreams – as they were then – realising that as we grow and evolve, so do our dreams, so I remained open and flexible to what inspired me and showed up in my life.  All the while, learning more about me, my place in the world, and staying as true to myself as I could.

I’ve now reached my 60s – and the dreams have not diminished – if anything they have grown!
The Seashack grows from strength to strength as Gemma and I are growing and evolving. We continue to dream, collectively,  and luckily have similar aspirations and are on the same wavelength!
I still teach psychology and am evolving my energy practice all the time as my knowledge grows.   Strands are pulling together as I undertake more personal learning, enhancing my knowledge and understanding of energy and how our psychology works.

Over the last 7 years another, quite unexpected, passion has emerged.  To blend creativity and travel to my most favourite place on the planet   I am besotted with the Hebridean islands.  They are a wild and restless landscape,  a beautiful, magical, mystical and largely empty space that I am drawn back to time and time again.  The thrill of exploring uninhabited islands, seeing whales, dolphins and basking sharks, paddling in stunning turquoise sea so unbelievably clear (and freezing!), and exploring empty,  white shell sand beaches.  Magical wildlife – like seeing the puffins coming out of their burrows, the otters in amongst the seaweed and the great golden and sea eagles majestically soaring.   Ok so there is another blog in itself here it seems (!).





 I digress.

Here’s the thing. I now have a dream to travel the Hebrides, beachcombing and paints in hand to capture the essence of the landscape, that others may be able to experience how I feel about them.    I have another dream (shared with Gemma I might add) to have an actual live Seashack space (rather than virtual space) where we can both work, play and authentically experience the message we are trying to share with people.  I also dream of living right next to the sea - maybe even on a boat (!).
To me, dreams are important. They lend themselves to purpose and meaning in our lives.  They may not always be fulfilled – maybe the universe has something even better in mind, so my dreams are always couched by a proviso – ‘this or something better’ – there are greater forces at work than I can ever hope to understand.   I know, if I listen to what’s in my heart and follow the threads I am inspired to follow, everything will work out for the best interests of everyone.

In the words of Henry David Thoreau:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

So, whatever your age, dream well, dream big and take action.  It’s never too late.

Shirley x

Back to school......and why you can handle anything!

As always the summer has been and gone in a flash!  Lots of lazy days, good times (some rough days too) & memories under our belts and all of a sudden we are in September.  And that means for many of us the return to school - and for some of us the start of a school journey for our children.  With September brings Autumn and so many changes too.



I won't lie, I've really been trying not to think about it too much.  No-one wants to wish away the lazy days and we've all settled nicely in to a new routine at home now, which is led by slowness.  It's been nice not feeling exhausted and frazzled by dinnertime!  But school is starting this week here so it's time to get my head in the right place and get myself used to it all again.

Our middle one starts next week too!  She's just a bit older than 4.5 and seems to be looking forward to it.  Again, I've been trying not to focus on it too much or make too big a deal of it; I'm well aware that our vibes rub off on them and now that we've made the choice to send our children to school she needs positivity and excitement about it from me.  This time is very different because I already have one there and she's very familiar with the whole process of going to school.  I have no idea what to expect or whether she's going to settle well but there's a difference in me this time; I know that whatever happens I can handle it.

And this is something I want to teach my children: resilience.

I wasn't so clued up the first time for the emotions you feel as a parent.  My heart wasn't in traditional schooling so I needed a lot of convincing.  I was dreading sending him and even put off getting uniform until the very last minute.  I had wanted to home educate but it wasn't our path and so I took a chance with the school I picked and thankfully things have worked out.  But I found those first couple of weeks so incredibly hard, wondering how he was coping and being only just 4 years old he felt so little.

He struggled with settling in to school and couldn't cope with being separated from me.  I had never left him crying at preschool and didn't want to start at school.  There was even a morning that I couldn't leave him so took him home against the teacher's advice. I was lucky that I could work with his teacher and we managed to get him in to a good routine and in no time he was absolutely fine and enjoying school.  It was such a relief! And by about 2 weeks in it got easier for me to come to terms with the fact he was now at school.  I tried to focus on some positives:

• We had time in the morning together
• The school day is relatively short and passes quickly when you are busy
• We had time after school together and I would try to get anything I needed to done in the daytime
• School didn't have to be forever; if it didn't work out there were other options

It got easier.

But the following year wasn't so easy.  Our 3rd child was born the first week back at school and I don't think it helped him settling back in very much.  The negotiations didn't work this time and he just didn't want to go in at all.  Nothing was wrong at school; I just wasn't there.  Which was heart breaking.  My head was still asking 'Should we home school him if he's this unhappy?'  After many traumatic mornings it got to the point where I had to ask the school for help.  We worked out a way to get him in (his teaching assistant would come and meet him every morning) and within a day or 2 things were back to 'normal'.

Some kids need some extra support.

You know your child the best.  Which also means you know what they need.  It felt like mine was the only one struggling to go in which may have been true or may not.  But it was the story I invented in my head and it didn't much help to be honest!  With that came feelings of guilt and questions over my parenting and asking myself what had I done wrong?  I can look back now and say he's an anxious child and it was no surprise he was going to take a little longer to settle in to somewhere strange and trust people that weren't me.  And I can also say that he didn't want to separate not because of the bad job I'd done but because of the secure relationship I had created for us.



Don't be afraid to ask for help if you or your child struggles.  It's nothing to be ashamed of and you don't need to deal with it all on your own like I tried to.  The school is there to support you as a parent and your needs as well.  You are important too!  It's completely normal to be sad or scared that your child is off to school.  It feels like a huge leap that they are too little to take.  Surely they were only just born? My best advice is to take one day at a time.  Try not to presume what is going to happen or overthink it.  Know that whatever happens you can deal with it.  Building on that strength and confidence from within will help throughout your life and resilience is a great skill to pass on to your child too.  More on that in another blog post ;-)

Gemma x

Finding balance in your day and why you matter too!

I've had so many points along my parenting journey where I've thought that I just can't take it any more!  Sounds dramatic doesn't it?  Days where I've felt lonely and frustrated or like I'm everyone's skivvy in this house!  Times where in that moment I felt completely physically and mentally drained and can't remember who I am other than 'Mum' and 'Wife'.  I refer to Motherhood because that's been my path but you can liken this to any situation where you are giving your absolute all and forgetting about the importance of YOU somewhere in the middle of it all.



Our business - The Seashack - started as a result of me having my first child and Mum coming away from her stressful teaching job.  We both wanted to work around our other interests and commitments and wanted to take back that balance.  And I realised that it was important I had something for ME.

     

I love being at home to look after the children and I feel lucky that I can fit our work around this.  When you put everything in to perspective my experience of becoming a Mum really is amazing. I used to feel guilty on tough days, that I wasn't appreciating or enjoying the chance to be at home with the kids when many parents would love to be. I saw myself as ungrateful and tried to stop feeling that way. But I've learnt over time that no situation is ever ideal.  Any struggle is a real struggle and shouldn't be compared to what's going on in other people's lives.  And I don't think any of us women need yet another thing to be feeling guilty about! There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding the situation you're in, hard work.

On a challenging day - and sometimes in general - finding that balance and putting yourself first at all can be impossible.  We lead busy lives and we feel restricted and tied to things sometimes that we'd rather not be doing.  But I believe in all our days there are small ways we can make time to remember ourselves and look after who we are. Here's my best tips:

• Make sure that you eat and drink.  It's something - particularly drinking enough water - that is so easy to do yet makes such a big difference.  Yet somehow I'm always too busy answering someone's requests or focusing my time on something else or 'just finishing' something first.  I find that my mood drops hugely when I'm not eating regularly and because kids shout the loudest, they always get to eat first!  I'm putting in to practice some meal planning here while I'll share on another blog.  I believe being organised and spending time preparing food in advance is probably the way to go.  Take some time today to look at where you could make any changes; are you eating regularly enough?  Do you need to prepare healthy things to snack on-the-go?  Could you batch make some meals to freeze such as soup or any of your favourites?
• Focus on the positives.  Try to notice the moments that are actually yours.  Ok they may appear mundane - such as driving or unloading the dishwasher.  But your arms are free and you are free to take a deep breath or think.  Sometimes it's not always about finding an hour to sip a tea and read a magazine (although that is definitely one to fit in!), but it's about looking for the other times of the day where you weren't feeling completely overwhelmed by other stuff/people.
• Be realistic to avoid frustrations.  For example I'm sitting here now trying to write this while the kids play but it is unrealistic (knowing my children) for me to think I'll be able to write it all while they just do their own thing.  By presuming that, when they interrupt me or it's clear I can't carry on, I'll then feel resentful of the fact I've not managed to have 'any time for me'.  But by expecting that I'll only be able to do a little bit, when they interrupt me (which they are just about to - I can hear tears), I can feel grateful that I've got as far as I have in the time I've got.  The mindset is completely different and actually something to apply in many other areas of life too.
• Finish that tea!  We've all been there...you've made yourself a tea and then you've been distracted or pulled away from a situation by someone else.  Depending on what is happening obviously you may have to walk away from your tea and attend to it.  But this is where boundaries come in and saying 'no'.  It's very easy to get distracted and move on to the next thing and forget that the tea you made represented a break for you or a moment of self care.  If you can, put that moment first and continue with the next thing after you've finished this first one!
• Give yourself space.  And if you have children give them the opportunity to have space too.  Having time to breathe - and even to be bored (ha - I wish!) - is really important.  Cramming stuff in, back to back, gives little time to think about your needs.
• Learn to say no - this also connects with much of the above.  It's not selfish to make the decision that you aren't going to do something.  Sometimes it's for the 'greater good' (i.e. you can see a disaster happening if whatever this is goes ahead!) and sometimes it's just because it isn't good for YOU.  By respecting your own needs you also show others how to respect you too.
• Grounding. This one might appear a bit 'woo' to some of you but I hope not.  A personal favourite for me is to, in those moments of overwhelm and 'there is no time for me', keep myself grounded.  Mum taught me years ago how to ground myself.  I know I need grounding when my head is all over the place, I'm starting to feel like I'm panicking or overwhelmed and almost a bit floaty.  It's hard to describe it but I imagine I'm a tree and I've got roots running through my feet in to the ground.  It really does work and brings me back 'down', and to a position where I can then deal with everything again.

I hope some of these ideas might help you as well as me!

Gemma xx

The purpose of life is joy (even when you have your own business!)

When you have your own business it can be hard to stay focused on what it is you want to achieve or came into it for.  It’s easy to get lost in looking around at what everyone else is doing, even feeling less than some of the brilliant work in the market place. Your head is full of ideas and plans, things you want to create, to birth into the world, things you hope will touch people – maybe wake them up from the dream they have been living in – open their eyes to fresh possibilities.

It’s easy to look around and say – that’s already been done, there’s so much out there already, what could I add?



That’s when we need to get back to an inner focus – what feels good to you right now? What is it you really want to do, or create, or offer to the world? What touches your heart and soul?  What are you drawn towards?  What is it you feel you can’t not do?  Right here, right now, in this moment.

Yes it may sometimes feel challenging to follow your heart and stay connected to what’s true for you – but to live in that authentic space and be willing to show up as you and not a facsimile of someone else, I believe, is what we are collectively all here to experience. To reveal ourselves and connect with others, heart to heart – wherever we are and fulfilling whatever roles we want to fill – that is the true human experience and the joy of living.



So, what is in your heart today? What inspires you?

Shirley xx

Why I can't write today (but why if I do it could be the start of something)

Hello Monday!

It's the start of a new week and I thought I'd tackle something first thing that I've been wanting to for ages...

I love writing, I always have.  There's nothing like putting pen to paper and getting those thoughts down, making a list of things to get through, or getting something organised.  It's like if you write that thing down then it's there and it's committed to!  It's a great way to express something too; even if no-one ever sees it you've got that stuff on paper and out of your head which is a good thing.  We have enough things in our head I find!

But sometimes I am longing to write, especially on our blog, but I feel I have nothing to say or I can't focus long enough to actually articulate what it is that is in my head.  Or rather there's so many ideas that I can't actually put a single one in the practice.  I describe this feeling as being a bit all over the place...a bit chaotic.  I think when this happens you just need to write anything.  Which is what I'm doing now and seeing where it takes me...

Not everything you write or put out in the world has to be super majorly important or make a huge impact on anything.  Sometimes it's enough that it's something that you love to do and it's helping you.  I picked up The Big Magic again yesterday and reading a few chapters reminded me of this.  And I can feel myself inspired now!

Just start.

We spend too long up in our heads telling ourselves a story that nobody else is writing for us.  We might think no-one cares what we say, that we have nothing of use to give, that people are laughing at us.  Because it takes huge vulnerability to put yourself out there.  The only person limiting us is ourselves.

We need to start believing in ourselves.

Like, really believing.  I don't just mean a few quotes dotted around your home or half thinking that you might be able to do something...one day...when you're more educated or you have more time or you feel more capable and 'ready'.  You absolutely are worthy enough of all the stuff (whatever that means for you) now.  Why would you not deserve to live the life you imagine living?

I can feel myself losing my train of thought...wondering if what I'm writing is worth sharing with anyone or wondering if it makes any sense at all!  The kids are noisy in the background whilst I type this out so quickly before being disturbed.  It's so easy to blame the time I need to dedicate to being a Mum on my lack of writing but I know this is all fear talking.  It's much easier to save this and not share it with you but then there will be that feeling of not having accomplished anything again...
So I'm going to leave it there for now...because writing something and making that connection is better than not writing at all.  And it gives me a little something to hold on to while I try to get focused on one of the parts of my life that need attention!

Wishing you a lovely Monday and sending you the confidence to do something today that takes you out of your comfort zone a little, if that's what you feel you need too.  And of course if you have a moment I'd love to know if anything here resonates with you...I would love to build a bit of a community here!

Gemma xx

What's wrong with weird?!

Wow, bedtimes with your child can be amazing can't they? My biggest one might not gaze in to my eyes much anymore (or at all in fact!) but it sure is a privilege watching him grow. It's not always the best time of the day in our house, juggling the different needs of 3 children under 6yrs old! Bedtime can be crazy...very loud...and just like you're banging your head against a brick wall! I'm sure you've been there too!

But he uses it as a time to open up and talk. Which I love! Tonight he's read his whole school book, virtually with no help. When he started school in September 2014 he was only 4 years & 6 weeks & couldn't read at all. Wow, he has come a long way! I loved the chats & the raspberry-blowing silliness & the eventual drifting off. What a great way to start my Saturday evening. So very grateful.

Today when we were out he had taken his trilby-type hat. He went to get out the car and said "No, I can't wear this, people will think it's weird!". He's not even 6 yet! To be honest he's never been the type to worry what others think. So I confidently said, "Erm... what's wrong with weird? It's good to be different, right? And what would it matter what anyone thinks? It's up to you but it looks really good."

He smiled and said "Ok then"! And he wore that hat around the store, well at least until he got bored and it was dumped in the buggy!

This stuff is important to me - to raise kids that have our backing to do anything or be anything they want to do in life. I hope he can find the confidence to not be scared to be creative or to stand out.